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The prison of fear of what people might think

This is something that comes up often when talking with page friends and clients so I wanted to touch on this today. I lived in this prison for years, I put myself there, always so concerned about what everyone thought of me.. often afraid to share the real me. When I decided to start this page after I started to change my life in 2010, I was faced with this again, I contemplated creating this page for months in 2011 because the only way I would, was if I was willing, brave enough to share EVERYTHING… This meant / means all my inner thoughts, sharing moments of shame, of times where I felt weak and insignificant and at the time it meant sharing I was 284 lbs and that I started my journey at 300 lbs. That took time…the day I started my page, I had been on my journey for months and I believe I was in the 270’s and as my bravery grew I shared that a few months before I was in the 280’s and after more courage grew, I shared I had hit the 300 lbs mark at my lowest point in self love only a few months before..In sharing my journey I felt I needed to share my starting point, my why. When I post these things, I don’t only share these inner truths with page friends but family, I’m sharing all these vulnerable things, even making the video to Ellen, I had moments of wondering what everyone would think, would everyone see my heart…see how much it means to me. So the thing is this, I can only be me and I can only help by sharing who that truly is, I have to be willing to put myself out there because I want to be a space of truth where people really feel they can do ANYTHING and so when I tell you that I get how hard it is NOT to worry about what others think, believe me, I get it, I REALLY get it. But I can’t live my authentic life, can’t live the purpose God has for me or help in ANYONE if I’m not willing to be transparent and in doing so, be ok with letting others think what they will. This isn’t saying we all have to share every little thing or even anything but that when we are (wanting) to reach others and wanting to share who we truly are that we should feel free to do do IF that is something we want to do. The freedom, oh the pure feeling of freedom from this is so profound !

This means, ( I ) …we….have to be strong and brave, committed and dedicated to our convictions, stay the course even when old thoughts creep in. I even fight this sometimes posting pictures and videos, but we need to push passed the discomfort because THAT space, that vulnerability is what is real and at the end of the day, THAT is what truly matters.. that we walk in our truth, in all seasons of our life with our head held high, knowing we wont be everyone’s cup of tea and knowing that’s ok because it’s better to be loved or received by those who takes us as we truly are over being loved by all for being somebody we aren’t !


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