I’ve been wanting to post something on this for the last few days, but needed to be in the head space to sit, focus and share..
As Andrew turns one today, I had just the push I needed.
I have a journey to wellness from the inside out that is filled with many moving parts, however, at the heart of my desire to be my best self was to live a life without regrets. Pre journey, I had gone to bed so many nights disappointed in myself, wishing I had accomplished the things I set out to accomplish when the day started. One thing I knew I would regret would be lost moments with my children….the thing is, when we don’t have a strong sense of self love, self belief, self respect no matter the size we are, it’s hard to be and do our best because we aren’t our best. Picture a child running a race with people on the sidelines yelling how they can’t do it, they might as well give up and how that would would interfere with what they could have accomplished with the right support, the same would be true it the person was yelling only perfection was success…so win or don’t bother. We would NEVER do these things to our children and yet these emotions and this self talk can constantly be going on in our own heads. As a mother and having worked with many clients who are mothers, I like to use this as an example in changing how we talk to ourselves, I like to get clients to stay aware of that self talk and when it’s negative, to flip it, think what you would tell your child in the same situation. We need to love ourselves enough to give the same support care and understanding.
What regrets was I afraid I would have ?! When I started my journey, we had two sons who were 8 and 4 and I have also had a wonderful husband who has been my best friend since 1999. The regrets that filled my heart late at night, when everyone else was sleeping was fear of missed moments, opportunities either because at my weight I wasn’t able to do certain things or because I was too ashamed to do certain things. Oh I tried, really did my best not to let these truths interfere but yet they sometimes did. My thinking sometimes was, if people don’t see me, they can’t judge me..my husband has always been amazing, he has never said anything other than positive our entire relationship and I remember a time when I was in the 300 lbs range when we were out and we bumped into some of his work colleagues, he was proud to introduce me as always but that night, I cried my eyes out..I was embarrassed for him, that those co workers saw me and would think wow, how did he get stuck with her. Now sitting where I am on my forever journey it wasn’t and isn’t loosing weight that fixed these emotions, I didn’t need to drop 80 lbs to feel better to bump into people, it was how I viewed myself that made me feel that way, like all that mattered or made me up as a person was what you saw…like I had nothing else special to offer or to be proud of. There were moments like not being able physically to show my 8 year old at the time how to ride a bike ( but I did teach my now 8 year old ) times when I stayed home to not bring shame, but not going made my family feel worse…times I stood for hours out of fear of breaking chairs, being fully clothed at the beach and dying from the heat, spending soooo much time wishing things were different instead of making things different. I set limitations on my life and this would be regretted, not making full memories with the people I adored would be regretted, how can you be fully in the moment when you’re afraid to be heard or seen ?! I didn’t want my children to have this memory, and if you are a parent and your children are no longer little, don’t be sad, we do and give our best when we know better, be proud of what you were able to do and if ready now, it is NEVER too late..please listen to me…it is NEVER too late !!
I consider it a great honor to be a mother that does come with great responsibility and building loving family memories that will last a lifetime is something that is very important to me, I also do not take the fact that my husband made the choice to share every day of his life with me for the last 15 years lightly, that is such a HUGE thing and I owe it to myself and those that love me, to be my best self. In deciding to share my journey, my story, sharing this side of things even the very personal, this aspect is a key part because I want to help people build their #SelfLove #SelfRespect & #SelfBelief – I cannot express how important it is that I help people make the choice not to wait another day because life, it just goes SOOO fast, it feels like yesterday I was holding my new born baby boy that is now 12 and today, I am holding my baby boy who is 1 which doesn’t feel possible. I want to help people live without regret and this doesn’t mean having a perfect life, never making mistakes, never having a slip up – those things ARE part of life – it means always doing our own best so when we lay our head to rest on our pillow each night we can do so with a sense of pride, a smile and not feel the pain of regret, the loss of another day with empty promises. I will dedicate my entire life to helping others live a life free of this because we ALL deserve to live our most happy, healthy, authentic life !!
It doesn’t matter how many times you have fallen, how many times you have tried NEVER GIVE UP…YOU are not a failure, things you tried to date may have just not worked. YOU can reach your goals with hard work, self love, dedication and determination !! START now !!!